


If Only (You Could Take My Hand)

by ihopeitrainsmoneytoday



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Out of Body Experiences, Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Yandere Sans (Undertale), bad brother au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-27 03:04:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20400628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihopeitrainsmoneytoday/pseuds/ihopeitrainsmoneytoday
Summary: After years of dealing with the loss of his brother, someday, by some miracle, he met him again. ...Only to face the fact that this Papyrus is nothis, it is the brother of another timeline of  himself. What is worse is that this Papyrus is hurting, and there's nothing that Blue can do but watch.He have never felt so hopeless in his life.-in short, cinnamonroll!blue met yandere!blue, and things are A-ok dontworryabtit.





	1. 1 - nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> all the characters, and the setting here are in underswap. nevertheless, i'll still be calling us! pap 'papyrus' rather than stretch. i only want to change sans name onto 'blue' ^^

Today is the day.

Blue stopped in front of the door. His hands were twitching, eyes full of determination. This door actually was just SO easy to be opened. There was no complicated locking mechanism or anything of some sort. Like any other door, he just had to turn the knob and the entire secret inside that door would be revealed.

But... there he was, he had been standing like this for 5 minutes... or, has it been 10? He didn’t know. He stood in front of it as if it is a scarce door, and inside of the room laid some untamed beast that would mow him down when he opened it. While... in reality, he knew exactly what was inside that door- it had been his daily activity to go inside of it. But, that was a long time ago.

It was not about the door. It was just that, he mentally wasn’t ready to face what was the inside of it.

“It’s okay, Blue,” he assured himself, as he gripped his broom tighter. “I can do this,” he muttered. Hoping his word has some magic effect that could bewitch him onto opening that so easily, uneasily opened door.

He closed his eyes, and then put a hand on the knob. Years ago, when he opened that door, he would have expected to be greeted with the sight of papers and socks scattered around everywhere. And this tornado in the corner, only God knows what Papyrus were doing for that tornado to keep running like that, making the papers and even his plate of taco! Fly toward the ceiling. He honestly couldn’t put up with his antic. It was funny then how he wished to see that mess again.

Blue heaved out a sigh.

It’s been so long. He coped with it. He passed the stages, unlike before, he wouldn’t expect to be greeted with a messy floor. There would only be floor that was devoid of any socks nor paper, a bed with no sheet, its fabric folded neatly onto his cupboard, way long ago.

He would, in a moment, only be met with dirty floor that is piled with dust from years of no one using the room, which was the reason why he was in the front door and was carrying a broom. He heaved out a sigh, as if the air that came out with it could carry away the nervousness within him. Deciding not to waste anymore time of his, he went in.

Nostalgia hit him hard. It is as if he could see the ghost of the lump of what was used to be his brother sleeping. He would often, curdle into a ball, covered with a blanket, snoring loudly, sound that would made Blue wince years ago. But now, he would give anything to hear that sound back.

He then stared at the source of light from the window. It is as if he could see the curtain that has been shut, and Blue almost had the urge to walk up to the window to open it, out of habit- if it’s not for the bare window devoid of any curtain at all

He gripped his broom tightly, a thought crossed past him that something, either his knuckles or the broomstick itself is cracking. He then reminded himself that everything was alright, he was just cleaning. He then started sweeping the floor, hoping to be done with the task as fast as he could.

_ It’s just a room, and I was just cleaning. It’s just a room, and I was just cleaning._

He repeated the words like a mantra, as if those words could shoo away the thought of someone occupying his head, his heart, his SOUL, until he felt that it hurt. Blue tried his best to ignore it, and he knitted his non-existent eyebrow together as he found... a lump? As he swept the floor under the bed. The last time he went here, he had been hurrying, so he cleaned everything in what he thought was the most efficient, and fastest way possible to clean a room.

It is not usually him, to be like that. He usually enjoyed household chores like this, he took minutes looking if there’s any dirt or dust that he hasn’t cleaned. He took minutes into looking of his masterpiece of a clean spot, and praised himself mentally for it. But at that time, with all those emotions huddled up inside him and all... he couldn’t really bother with that.

So that didn’t really surprise him, if he left the floor under the bed unclean. Silently blaming himself for his carelessness, he crouched down to poke around the thing that the broom met with. After putting down the broom, he then reached a hand to grab it.

...his gloved hand is met with a fabric, he realized. As he pulled it, he was met with a familiar color, _orange_, and his eye lights dilated. His nose is met with a familiar smell, a sweet smell with a hint of smoke, and Blue’s hand shook.

All his effort to shoo away the thought about the owner of the room went to waste. Memories flooded onto him like a broke dam, his bad puns, the bottles of honey, the intolerable laziness and naps, all came to him in a rush. He was faintly aware of this horrible sound of someone sobbing, and he doesn’t realize that the source was him when he noticed that his brother’s hoodie got a droplet of tear stain just right there.

As one tear fell, another follows, and he hugged the hoodie tight as if he’s afraid that he would lose the garment. He cried and cried and cried as if this world wasn’t occupied by other people but him only and he is free to cry as loud as he likes. His body was wrecked with sobs and snot another time, he would frown at his action as it is not hygienic at all. But at the moment, he realized, he didn’t really mind.

“P-papyrus-“ he trembled, his gloved hand gripping his bed tightly, looking for an anchor. “Please come back...”

And as minutes passed, he didn’t realize his eyelids grew heavy as his stamina got sapped away. Finally, he fell asleep, the orange hoodie clutched tightly onto him.

-

When Blue finally woke up, it was not in his brother’s room.

He squinted his eyes, and his sight is met with... the dark sky? That’s odd. Why would he be sleeping here? Did he sleepwalk here? That was only the possible explanation... but he thought he didn’t have the habit anymore since he was 5? Sighing, his hand reached up to rub his eyes as he looked around the sleepy town, finding out the cause of this was not important. He had to get back to his home.

...only for him to get confused not feeling the hardness of his glove meeting his eye sockets. He frowned, and then he looked at his gloved hand before he shrieked because, Stars, he didn’t just saw the sight of his hand going _through_ his head! He landed on his coccyx, and he hurriedly retracted his hand, as if that act could erase the out of place incident.

His SOUL was beating so fast, that, he even missed the fact that he doesn’t feel any pain for his coccyx getting in contact with the snowy ground, _hard_. What... what was that? Blue counted from 3 to 1, willing to calm himself.

_It’s alright, calm down. Don’t panic. _

When he was calm, he opened his eyes. And then he saw his hand again. Nothing weird about that... suddenly, a thought crossed his head, a weird theory as a result of too much watching anime with Undyne came out. He gulped. That, couldn’t be possible right?

He tried, to test the theory, otherwise. He huffed_, be calm, Blue_. He told himself. And then after that he brought his gloved finger to touch his radius, hoping that it would not be what he thought was happening and that this was a dream, he just hasn’t wake up yet.

His gloved finger went through his radius.

No, that couldn’t be possible. How could this happen!? This shouldn’t even be possible at _all!_

_It’s alright,_ he took a deep breath. Let’s remember what he was doing before. He didn’t... die or something like that right? Last time he checked there’s no record of monsters dying after they had gone to sleep after crying after his gone relative. So...

Unless... while he was asleep someone broke into his house and stabbed him in the spine so that he could mug his house? No. That’s a silly thought. Snowdin is a peaceful town. Everyone knows anyone and anyone is friendly to everyone. Such cases are unheard of unless of this one case, _years_ ago and the culprit was a human kid, frightened, hungry and hurt...

Okay, so. He wasn’t dead. _Maybe_. He gulped at the thought. And then... he is in Snowdin, but on a sentry. And he is... some kind of ghost? This thought made his eyes scan his body and his thoughts were confirmed. His body looked more _transparent _rather than the snow, sentry posts, and trees around him. His color looked so out of place and dim.

Right, so. According to the anime, he is now a spirit... because calling it ‘soul’ would come out as weird... The thing that he needed to do is... take a look at his physical body! Yes, that’s a smart solution, maybe if he went inside his body,_ like in the animes_, things would go normal again! Silently appraising himself for the solution, he walked... flied? Because his feet is just hovering above the ground and it doesn’t feel like walking at all.

_Well, at least he experienced how it feels to fly._

Blue gave a comforting chuckle to himself. Usually, it would be Papyrus to joke around in an inappropriate time, but oh well. He found out, when things are so stressing him like this, joking around eased himself, _just a little_.

He then stopped in front of the door, and he was about to knock when he realized in what state he was in. He was about to knock his head for his stupidity only to realize he is indeed really stupid. Half-thankful that in one is watching his not-so smart moves, he flew through the door, skull flushing a bright blue.

His blush disappeared at the sight in front of him, and his jaw dropped, standing there in the kitchen, it’s... it’s him! But he is not... unconscious. He was walking and very much, awake!

“You!?”

He said out loud. But... the other kept on doing his task as if Blue isn’t there. Could it be that... the other him doesn’t see him!? This other him looked awfully like him. His blue stars that shone in his sockets, the blue, bright bandana, the matching boots that he has and the white shirt that he wore. It is like seeing a mirror, but its reflection is living and breathing.

Well, if he couldn’t see him, the other most likely couldn’t hear him as well... But it doesn’t hurt to try! He could just not hear him because he is so focused! Putting his hand onto fist in determination, he then strode over to his twin.

“Ahem, excuse me, other me!” he exclaimed. He hoped, REALLY hoped his other self would turn to the source of voice, but... the other him only continued on- cooking? He was cooking a taco! He was amazed for a moment on how the things that he did with his hands were the EXACT thing that he himself would do. The way he fried the beef onto the pan, added the pinch of a salt, cut the some tomatoes... he looked at the person in front of him, at _his_ face. And if he didn’t know any better, he would have thought that he was looking at a mirror.

It was SO weird, to see someone that looked so much like himself like this.

“Can you... not hear me?”

The other him put the stove off, and then put the beef and vegetables into the taco shells.

“PLEASE HEAR ME!” he closed his eyes, only to open it and see that the other him had finished on making the taco and had put it all to the plate. He gasped when the other him walked PAST him. And he was struck with a sudden wave of dizziness, urge to vomit so hard that he fell to his knees. He clutched his skull tight, wishing for the dizziness to disappear.

“Papyrus would love this,”

Blue turned his head over his shoulder so fast that he thought his vertebrae would crack. Pa- papyrus? _Of course__._ If there is, an alternate version of himself, why wouldn’t there be an alternate version of his brother? He swallowed at the thought.

His hand curling into fists, and he was shaking, he doesn’t know why he was shaking. Was it because he is scared? Was it because he is excited? Was it because he is nervous? But then he frowned, over the realization that... it ISN’T really his brother he was talking about... It is his alternate version of himself’s brother. And a pang of jealousy hit him, over the fact that this other version of himself has his brother and he doesn’t...

He went up the stairs anyway, following the other him. His hands still shook, but even if he’s scared, jealous, or excited, he would take any chance that is offered at him just to see his brother again. He wanted to see if he’s doing fine, if he’s alive and breathing, and that is enough. His eyes were blurry, why was he was being overemotional right now? After shaking, now, he was crying? Shaking his head, he watched as the other him opened the door to the room that this morning he had just cleaned. Oh God, he remembered cleaning it and ending up crying over his hoodie... and here he is. He would be seeing him even though it’s not his own brother. Well, it is fine, this version’s brother is his family too, and that is fine. Papyrus, he was finally seeing papyrus-

It felt like someone threw his heart and his soul out the window, and it shattered to the ground, onto hundreds of pieces. His mind couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing, REFUSED to believe what he was seeing.

There, he saw papyrus. But instead of the bright orange flickering on his socket, his eye lights were dim. He could see crusted tears that are painting his cheek. Bandage was wrapped around his neck, along with his left wrist. Half lower of his body is covered with blanket- and... there is a... not just one, but many several stains of the color of red there.

Was it... was it blood? What is going on?

Only when Blue’s eyes travelled to the chain that is linked the side of the wall, the chain disappearing into the blanket, that he has assumption of what is going on. But... it couldn’t be, after all this was _him_, right? He was him, a_ Sans_ even though it is a different universe.

“Papyrus?” Blue called out, albeit shaky. There’s a single tear rolling down his cheek and Blue couldn’t even blame himself for being a crybaby. Why is his brother in this condition? Is there something that he could do to ease his brother’s pain? Can he be of any he-

“Can you hear m-“

“Let’s eat, papyrus!”

His eyes widened at the sound of a too-cheerful voice. This... this was wrong. He would use that tone but ONLY if he was happy about something in particular. Only if it is a good day and Alphys was inviting him to spare. Only if papyrus was doing an excellent job recalibrating his puzzles, as weird and as out of habit that sounds. Not...

Without thinking, he went over as fast as possible to stand beside his other him. He almost went through the other Blue’s body, but the remembrance of the dizziness and nausea he felt made him opt for a second option.

Blue couldn’t help but read the other Blue’s face. And he was disturbed because his face is _so_ calm, the way he put the plate of taco on the table without any hurry... there was even a slight smile on his mouth. As if the sight of this madness IS usual to him.

“What are you doing!?” he exclaimed loudly, fist clenching and unclenching. Hoping with the loudness of his voice, he could be heard.

Blue quickly sidestepped as the other him stride forward papyrus- avoiding clashing with the other’s physical body. And then he glanced up at papyrus. He knows that papyrus is always tired, it can be due to his HP, or it could be that he is just lazy. But that expression- that frightened, and scared and hurt in his eyes hurt Blue so bad that it made his SOUL clench.

“Say ‘Aaaaah,’ my dear brother,” he sang as he held the taco in his hand.

Papyrus- with his head resting on the wall, his head lolled to the side, closed his eyes.

“Don’t be difficult now,” Blue tutted. But Papyrus is just as stubborn as he is, yet, he heard clacking sounds.

It is... the sound of bones clacking...

He heard his other him huff, and before he could even comprehend what was happening, the other him climbed to the bed, Papyrus’s clacking grew louder. And his eyes widened as the other him’s fingers forced Papyrus’s mouth open and shoved the taco inside. Before clamping his mouth shut.

Blue closed his mouth with his hand, terrorized. But the other him doesn’t even look like he was bothered by what he had done.

“Swallow,” his voice was calm, yet it carried a tone so authorizing that it made him wonder briefly if it was really HIS voice.

Papyrus’s bones clacked, again. But then he only nodded as he chewed on the food, before he heard a gurgling sound. The food fell with a wet slap on the floor. Accompanied by orange magic and saliva.

“S-stop it...”Blue said, lowly. There’s nothing more that he wants than pulling this other him off the bed, and pulled papyrus onto thehug. He wanted to yell at him that what he had done was wrong. Papyrus clearly didn’t want it and it was BEYOND rude to shove food into someone’s mouth like that. Yet... he couldn’t... why?

“Ah, really?” the other him sighed, his eyelids half-closed. “I told you to swallow,”

It took him a while to realize that he HIMSELF was shaking... Was...was he scared of the person in front of him?

“’m s-sorry... b-b-blue...” papyrus’s voice came, hoarse, accompanied with a sob. And Blue’s soul lurched. “can’t... can’t c-control it,”

Before Blue could even so much as to open his mouth, suddenly there’s a PING of a soul turned blue. And it doesn’t take Blue long to realize that Blue had just turned his OWN brother’s blue. He pinned his wrists over his head, and papyrus’s sobs got louder.

“Please...” Blue said. Hoping the other him, or ANYONE in that matter, to listen to his plea. “Please stop...”

The other Blue’s hand reached to his hoodie- oh God it’s the hoodie that made him cry until he slept. And his gloved hand came across one of his rib.

“This,” that cold tone came, making him shiver to the bone. “Is for refusing to eat,”

He heard a loud crack of bone splitting into two, and then the scream came next. Blue doesn’t realize that he already was on his knees, covering both of his ears to block out the sounds.

The sound died out onto a choked, rasping breath. Blue only looked at the floor. Not daring to look up, because this, all of this _had _to be a nightmare. It must be his mind playing trick on him, while he in reality is still sleeping while clutching onto papyrus’s hoodie in his own brother’s room. _Please wake up, please wake up, please wake up..._

The rasping sounds then turn onto a sob, and when Blue hears pleading that came from his brother’s voice _to stop_, Blue couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Stop it...” he pleaded. “He said to stop...”

“And this,” there is a pause, besides the whimpers. “Is for throwing up the food that I had just made with love,”

There is a second crack, followed by a scream and Blue was devastated. The wall grew wider and wider and he was met by the darkness of the sky and the artificial stars hanging above. He almost let out a sigh as the voices disappeared, only for his stomach to drop into a pit, realizing he was such a coward for leaving his brother alone. He should have helped him, should be brave enough... so why...

Realization hit him that the voices disappeared completely, only the lullaby of the sleepy town could be heard. This... isn’t normal. For their voices to not to be heard like that... even more so it is a _scream._ Even though there is a wall between them, Blue MUST have heard them outside of the house, and he is not even that far from the building anyway, not to forget the fact that papyrus was screaming.

Could this other him placed a soundproof wall inside of his brother’s room- or worse, on the WHOLE house so no one can hear his brother’s... his brother’s...

He had to save his brother! But then as he flew near, about to crash onto a wall, the thought of seeing his brother so pained. The face of _himself,_ so cruel, so menacing, so sadistic, torturing his poor little brother, without being able to do anything made his non-existent stomach lurch.

He shook so hard that it produced a sound. The sound of his bones rattling reminded him of papyrus... and he sobbed. His gloved hand covering his whole face.

“Help,” Blue lifted up his head in realization. “I need to find help!”

If he didn’t try, he wouldn’t know. Who knows if one or two of the neighborhood can see him? Then he can tell them everything!

But then... would the other him _hurt _the people that came to save his brother? The way he was so calm about the whole situation, the way his gloved hand, the hand that is so identical to his, hovering over his ribs... only to...

_No._ Blue clenched his fist. He needed to find help first.

Muffet’s bar was the first place he flew to, and upon going in, he was met by the laughter of dogs playing cards the corner of the room. Muffet- probably sweet-talking the monster, a half-drunk bird monster, on the bar stool onto buying her newest sweets. Upon years of knowing the spider lady, Blue too well what that expression meant. And Blue was hit by a wave of familiarity. A calming feeling settled, but then remembering his purpose, all the calm that has been settling went away like a wind that gushed from west to east.

“CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?”

The crowd continued on their activity. But Blue refused to give up.

“DOGGO!? HEY?”

“DOGGARESA? PLEASE HELP!”

“HEY? CAN YOU SEE ME? PLEASE, I NEED TO SAVE MY BROTHER!”

All that screaming did no good to his throat. By the time he was down, with zero result, his throat was burning. The only one who he hasn’t talked to was...

“MUFFET!” please, stars please. Let Muffet hear him. But Muffet only continued to rearrange the bottle of cookies lined on the shelves. He felt desperation clawing at the bottom of his stomach. “Please...”

There’s nothing more he wanted than those eight eyes to be directed at him and noticed him. For a while, Blue’s eye light went out, as desperation clawed inside of his SOUL. There’s no way he can help his brother isn’t? There’s nothing that he-

“It’s a shame that papyrus isn’t here anymore,” Muffet muttered, and Blue eyes shot up at her.

“Ah, yeah,” the monster at the stool replied. “Missed the_ punny_ skeleton guy,”

His mind went blank. What... what are they talking about?

“Poor Blue, that day, clutching onto his hoodie, dust... staining it. He refused to stop crying,” she turned to the table, hands on her chin. She then shook her head. “It must be hard for him,” 

The two of them continued on talking. Their voices, however, in Blue's head are only static, buzzing sounds that he couldn’t proceed what the meaning of their words are.

-

When Blue went in again, papyrus was asleep.

The other him was nowhere to be found. He wanted SO much to punch the other him for _lying,_ fto the _whole_ town at that, for hurting him even though he knew well that he was his _own_ brother. Normally, he wouldn’t really resort to violence... but he absolutely, most definitely, no doubt about it wanted to give a good punch to his nasal. Maybe to knock some sense into the the other.

His anger dissipated as he saw the sleeping figure. Papyrus’s expression when he was sleeping was... tense, as if he were expecting for pain to come by at any moment, as if threat existed here and there and everywhere. And this made Blue’s head throb....

He remembered the ribs, that area was covered with a blanket. Blue frowned, this blanket didn’t have any blood stains on it. Did it mean that the other him had gone to put it into a laundry? If so, then did it mean that the blood stain is the result of today, and every day, the sheet get stained- only for it to be cleaned at the end of the day?

He felt sick.

Blue ogled the blanket for a while, to the area where his ribs would be. He couldn’t check the other’s rib at the current state he is in. His hand would only go through his body. Blue closed his eyes.

Even if Blue has the ability to... Blue thought he wouldn’t dare to lift the fabric to check. He was scared, scared of the sight that will greet him, scared of the memory that would flood upo doing so.

He hated his cowardice so much.

Absentmindedly, Blue’s hand went to his skull, and before he was aware of what he was doing, he had petted his brother’s skull. He doesn’t even _feel _anything, sure. But... the act somehow had comforted him.

He hoped, by some miracle it does so too, to papyrus.

There’s no telling of how much Blue loved his brother. They had grown together, endured everything together, and leaned on each shoulder to cry. And he knew that papyrus loved him just the same and that had made the bond strong. Even if there’s disagreement, a fight, that was never a problem. They were siblings, of course there would be a fight. And they would make it up later, even if it takes weeks, only for them to be in each other’s embrace and tell the other how sorry they was.

Blue’s skull went close to papyrus’s. Closing his eyes, he then placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, and he lingered a while, savoring the moment.

“...I’ll save you,”

Blue doesn’t even know how, but he will try. He will try his best for his beloved brother. He had done so in the past and he doesn’t see why it will be a problem for him to do it again now.

-

Blue found the other him sitting in the couch, the TV showing one of Napstaton’s shows.

Blue’s fist clenched. He had A LOT to talk about to the other. But, with the things he had experienced throughout the day, he knew that his efforts would be futile. So he only sighed before going down the stairs.

The idea of sleeping beside papyrus was intriguing to him... a while ago. But then the memory of the other him climbing up the bed, with his calm, cold expression, and papyrus’s scream haunted him again and again that, the idea wasn’t so intriguing anymore. At first he decided to hold it, scolded himself for not being any braver. But the fact that he couldn’t do anything at the moment made his SOUL heavy. So then with heavy steps, he left the room.

“It’s a tiring day,”

And as if the other him acknowledged his presence, the other him stood up and turned the TV off. He must be going to sleep, Blue thought. Knowing that the devil could sleep so easily at night after _the things he had done_ made anger bubbled up within him.

“Isn’t that right?” Blue’s heart, however, stopped when the other him turned around, cyan blue eye lights meeting his. “Did you cry yourself hoarse when you look for help around the town?”


	2. 2 - confrontation

“What..” it was clear as day now that the other him IS talking to him. Nobody else is in the room. At this revelation, Sans’s fist clenched, and he gritted his teeth. “You... can see me all along?”

“Yeah,” the other him shrugged. Then a smirk worked his way to his mouth. “Well, in only one ‘I’ can see you, because, you’re me, duh,”

It took a while for the confusion to ease out, and for those words sunk into him. But when it did sink, all of his shock changed into one expression he barely uses because he himself hated using it: anger. “Why,” he hissed. The memory of him first talking loudly at him, even to the point of screaming... “Why did you pretend not to see me then!?”

“Ah,” the other him crossed his wrists in front of his chest, eyes half-shut. He looked at Sans from top to bottom, ogling at him. And Sans hated how uncomfortable that made him felt.

“My apologies,” he let out a mocking chuckle. As he unwrapped his wrists, “How do I say this...” his hand is resting on his cheek, as he looked upward. Stars gleaming so brightly and it bothered sans a lot how it could gleam like that in a disturbing situation like this.

“I tend to get a little, _engrossed_ when I do things for my dear brother,” he shut his eyes, then. “So I just... ignore everything but us,”

It’s like all hell broke loose. He had taught himself, to be patient with others. That others have heart, and the act of raising his own voice could make one’s heart hurt. But this. Stars, he would throw out all those rules outside the window. “Do THINGS!?” sans felt like screaming. And his head hurt so much he thought that it would explode.

“You did UNSPEAKABLE things to him! What... what did he EVER do to you!? What’s his fault that you SHACKLED him to his own bedroom and forced him to eat even if he didn’t WANT to!? What’s his fault that you HURT him that even if he did plead and cry and w-whimper...” Sans’s voice cracked as memories flooded to his head, making heart ache. Ache to held papyrus’s hand, to tell him that he is loved... “Y-yet, you didn’t... you didn’t stop...”

The other him looked at him, for a second sans thought he saw a flash of pity at his eyes. But then, it was gone, quickly replaced by amusement. “Aw, the old, adorable, pure me,” he shook his head at him. And it was clear now that it wasn’t pity that the other him felt, such words were said with so much venom that it stings. “I just did all I can for...” the other him paused, a bluish blush sporting both of his cheek, “love”

It was SO ridiculous sans felt like laughing at his own face. So a chuckle escaped his teeth. And that shy expression was gone then, he was gone to a rigid, stone-faced skeleton with eye sockets so hollow it resembled a dark pit. Sans hated how it made dread settle in his stomach. But all that dread and fear could jump off of a cliff now, there’s nothing more important than his brother’s well-being. So he said, “Really? Is that love or LOVE that you are trying to achieve? Because I’m not sure I can differentiate it,”

And with that, the other’s composure cracked. He then walked forward him, and sans couldn’t help but back away at the presence of the other looming over him- it was ridiculous, how could with the atmosphere alone, he_ felt_ like that? They were the same height for God’s sake! - And when sans felt his back was about to emerge from the wall inside the house to the outside of the house, did the other him stopped. Sans heard a crack, and he distinctly wondered if that was from the other him clenching his fist so tightly.

“You don’t understand yet,” he spoke with a cold, low tone. “Scream as you might, beg as you might, it doesn’t deny the facts that you are just a mere ghost flying around incapable of doing anything. No one can see you but me, and I will treat Papyrus the way I see them fit,” a cruel smile was present on his mouth, “Whether you like it or not,”

His words stung so hard, and he could do nothing but stared at him with mouth agape. “You...”

“Oh, and one thing I noticed. If I do this,” and then suddenly the other him got closer, Sans’s eyes widened, and his brain was screaming _run, run, run_. But the other him were faster, the wave of nausea and dizziness kicked in again and he found himself on his knees. Clutching at his head tightly. Laughter boomed behind him, and he managed to glare through the pain, even though he doubted it would look intimidating at all.

“I have the upper hand here, and yet, you still rise to defy me?” the other him shook his head. “I can’t say that I’m not proud,”

Sans hissed, and then got up despite the dizziness that persist and made him disoriented. He breathed in then, in, out. In, out.

He is capable or incapable of saving his brother or not, he had to dig more information.

“Why... is this happening?”

“This, eh, I don’t know,” he shrugged, uncaring of Sans’s glares. “Papy likes to say that this kind of occurrence is called ‘anomaly’,”

Sans for a moment ignored the disgust that he felt as the other, evil him, called out his baby brother the way he used to call them too. But he didn’t say anything. _Calm down, choose a solution that is the wisest._ He thought to himself. And if the other him heard himself breathing in sharply, he didn’t show that he noticed.

“But,” the other him continued, he walked to his side, and then he looked upward. Sans followed his gaze and he found him looking toward his brother’s bedroom. “I liked to think that there is some ‘entity’ or some shit that wished to save_ my_ brother from me, maybe the Stars themselves?”

“Language,” sans retorted. Tone low and sharp, and at that, the other sans looked at him in disbelief. Amusements clear as sun in a hot, summer day. Then, he let out a hearty laugh.

“What, really? After all that you’ve seen, me doing the horrible things that might traumatize you for life. You still put ‘no swearing rule’ into your account? C’mon,” the other him opened his arms widely, “Swear at me. Give me your worst, I know you can do it,”

By this point, Sans wanted to smash his head onto a wall. Was he talking to a demon, or a clown just now? Or maybe even both? Sans realized that it’s best not to decide. “Shut up,” he closed his eyes, as he massaged his nasal aperture, “Did you think the Stars themselves, allow this to happen? To send me here?”

The other him clucked his tongue at the change of subject, but an apparent, interested smile still clung onto his mouth. And that is more than enough for sans. “Well, it’s just a theory, you know? But I like to think it that way, it’s... amusing,” his smile got wider than sans thought possible, and sans just know that there will be nothing good resulting from that. “The stars could do anything to take away my own brother from me, but I can guarantee that things in this household won’t change a bit,” he lifted his chin up. “I cannot say I don’t enjoy it, I like challenge. I take pride in winning it. And this one, like any other, I will be the winner as well,”

Sans scoffed at that. “You don’t know that,” he murmured. However, this doesn’t go unheard by the other him.

“Of course I know, what can you do, again?”

At that, his pride was hurt. In general, he hated to be told_ what_ he can’t do. Sans tried to do everything and be good at everything. He really hated to be underestimated, and this one insult, it hurt deeper than any other thrown at him in the past, because it is true that he can't do anything, and there's nothing that he can do about it. But he didn’t lash out, there’s information that needs to be dug so he asked again, “And you, aren’t surprised at this ‘occasion’?”

“Oh trust me, I kept finding weird thing lately that I’m not surprised anymore to see a ghost of a twin of me, wailing and crying like a crybaby,” sans refrained himself from flinching at the insults. He hated that he was somewhat right, rather than being composed and calm and decide what to do next, he opted to scream as loud as he can instead. Exposing all of his weakness in front of the sadistic version of himself. “You know, our brother hides a lot of things from us,” he smiled, before he walked to the side, leaving sans with a sight of his back.

“I just happened to find out,”

At that, sans doesn’t deny. Papyrus liked to keep things all by himself, it wasn’t like sans doesn’t care about his brother. It’s just that because he loved him lots he didn’t want to force papyrus onto talking about it. He would be there, until papyrus is ready to talk about it, and if sans could help in any way he could he would do so.

But papyrus never has said anything.

It hurt, but forcing his own brother to talk about things he was not so sure about was not a way a good brother would behave. He then stared at the other sans, now he was back to face him again. His smile never wavered, and he didn’t want to think how he got those ‘informations’ out of papyrus’s mouth while he treated his brother like... like...

He reminded himself to not to think about it.

“Is this a dream?”

At that the other him cocked an eyebrow, “For you, you might think so. But for me, it is as clear as a day,”

He calmed his panicked, ragged breath. It’s ok. If this was another timeline, and he was here, even in a form of ghost, maybe he could reach here someday.

But then, what is it that he’s gonna do?

Sans curled his hand onto fist. He would do something. He doesn’t know yet what. But there’s no way in the underground that he would stay away, sit idly, and sleep tight knowing this was happening somewhere in this timeline.

“Don’t,” his hand shook again, and he hated how weak he was being, “Don’t hurt my brother again,”

And that is, when sans realized he shouldn’t have said those words. The air reeks of LV, and a glance at the other him made him realize his fault that he somehow had angered the other. His head twitched weirdly, not just his head, but his whole body twitched. It felt like the other him was ready for a murder. The buzz of magic crackled, appearing and vanishing. But sans stood ground, he doesn’t need to be afraid. He had said the right thing. So when those hollow eye sockets inched closer to his face, sans only gritted his teeth, and clenched his fist tight until his skeletal finger scraped his phalanges.

“Last time I checked,” the other him cocked his head to the side, one eye lights gleaming brightly, magic ready for use. “He_ is_ mine,”

“Really, how could that be?” sans faked a dramatic gasp. If he were anything like him, then... “That doesn’t make any _sans_!”

And sans was right. Even though his sacrifice was a short grimace and he felt like he had just let out a curse word. But it was worth seeing the other him had his composure cracked, forming a bone attack, and the sharpened bone pierced the wall beside him.

“I will give you a warning, just once. So you better listen,” he glared dagger at him. And sans tried to lift his chin up, looking defiant. “If you in anyway succeeded coming back here, _in your physical form_, and you do so much as going up the stairs toward papyrus’s room...” his one eye light snuffed out, “I don’t care if you have my face and my voice, I will make you wish you were never born,”

And after that, a dizziness came over him. His head hurt so much, he felt like it was splitting into two. And suddenly, the thing around him was becoming so far away because he was so consumed by the pain.

“Ah,” he heard, distantly, the other him murmur. “So long, then,”

And then everything went black.

-

“NO!”

He woke up with a gasp, a glimmer of sweat was present on his forehead. He then looked around frantically, only to find that he was back in his brother’s room. He then glanced at the orange fabric latched on his fingers, and he only gripped tightly onto it. He then felt the hardness of it, was he... back to the real world? To his world? He then pressed himself to the bed beside him, hoping he wouldn’t be thrust onto the other end of the bed and flew outside the house. When neither of those things happened, he huffed out a sigh. 

He then reminisced at his dream. No. Sans shook his head, it was not a dream. His fist tightened. And he felt his whole body shook, for a while, he could only stare outside of the window, artificial snow was making its way to the ground. And it soothed him, he was back into place. Nothing was wrong, no weird _anomaly_...

_How could he felt soothed, when there is someone with the face of his brother, in constant state of hurt and scared?_

Sans grimaced. He then looked at the clock, 20 minutes had passed since he had slept. It _felt_ way longer than that. His mouth was put in a firm line, stress and worry shown on his eyes. His mind was muddled, _paper,_ he briefly thought. He needed a paper to sort his thoughts out.

He then forced himself to stand up, the hoodie that he gripped on so tightly seconds ago fell with a soft thump onto the floor. Blue dim eyelights stared at it, for a while, and sans decided to lift it up, and folded it, before putting it on the cupboard.

His hand still shook so hard, and he had to place his other hand to grip it to prevent it from shaking so hard. He hurried out of the way, not sparing a second glance, afraid of the memories of what he had just saw rushing onto him, afraid of the voices of whimpers and plead and cry coming back to him.

He closed the door with a bang, and he went to his bedroom, slumping onto the table, almost knocking out all of the things on it. He gripped the end of the table hard.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Out. It’s ok, you’re not him, you’re ok._

Sans took a seat then, hurriedly searched for his paper and pen. Upon finding it, he gripped the pen so hard that it does wonder the pen hadn't cracked into two yet.

Sounds of scribbling filled the room. Sans spent minutes, even an hour of writing down the event that he experienced on his dream. He was careful not to leave out any details, even those that made him wince and made him felt like his heart stopped beating, those that sent dread crawling all the way to his small body –

This, at least, made him relaxed. His mind didn’t jumble into a big ball of mess, making his head spin. As he was finished, he read his writing carefully, and circled the important fact.

(“Papy likes to say that this kind of occurrence is called ‘anomaly’,”)

(“I liked to think that there is some ‘entity’ or some shit that wished to save_ my_ brother from me, maybe the Stars themselves?”)

(“If you in anyway succeeded coming back here, _in your physical form_, and you do so much as going up the stairs toward papyrus’s room...”)

Sans’s pen hovered at the last point. And he frowned.

First of all, as much as he hated to admit it, the other sans know so much more than himself. It is because he is cunning. He didn’t forget what he heard at Muffet’s, did the other him... faked papyrus’s death? The idea of it made bile rise on his throat. But he only shook his head, time is ticking he had another matter to focus on. He looked back at his notes.

(“You know, our brother hides a lot of things from us,”

“I just happened to find out,”)

_Happened_ to find out? Sans didn’t trust him not even a bit. Even if he had just met the other for a few minutes. Sans usually always gave the benefit of doubt to the other, but for this one particular person? He didn’t think he could do so. It was actually really easy to figure out what the other him did to... ‘figure out’, but it was still so hard to accept that there is a version of him somewhere, willing to do anything he pleases just to get information or two even if it hurts his _own _brother.

He couldn’t imagine how he made papyrus confessed those... what did it take so he got so much information until he is not surprised at all seeing him ghosting around like that... Did he force him to... Sans gritted his teeth. No. He had the right to be angry, but not now, not while his emotion could bother his way of thinking and figuring things out.

But then... this last point, physical form? Sans let out a mock chuckle. Has the other him had been so over himself that he didn’t realize he had just let a precious information that Sans didn’t know, went to Sans’s hand just like that?

After all, how can he say that he _could _go there in his physical form? How could he say that with such confidence, until he planned what he would do to him if he ever stepped a foot onto that universe? For all he knows, he might be paying their universe once in a lifetime visit, in his ghost form, and never appear again.

This is only a hypothesis. Might be true, might be not. But he is always one to always have positive thinking mindset in his head.

That concludes that there _must _be a way to get there again, in his _physical _form.

The question is, how?

Second question, when he sleeps at night, would he go there in his ghost form, ghosting around like what he had done? When could he visit? And when could he leave? Is there any time limit?

All of this was making sans experience a headache. He huffed, and he stopped writing.

He needed someone to talk to. But this is something big, something that if it is told to someone, the story alone is a burden for someone to bear. And the weight of the story is heavy. Sans closed his eyes.

Maybe there’s someone, close to papyrus. And can tell sans the secret that is left untold by him. So who is it? Plus, all of these events require an expertise in a certain subject...

Sans opened his eyes.

Yes. There _is _someone.

Sans pulled out his phone, sent a text, after a while of waiting and thrumming his fingers on the table impatiently. He heard a familiar ding and he read the text. Sans then got off from his chair and walked outside.

After all the one who’s interested in science in the underground is not only Papyrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it felt like i just wanted to go straight at the ending and write it right away ya know? orz im so impatient

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: yandere blue, in general. So things are awful. For details: broken bone, forced eating, mention of character death, forced confinement, blood, graphic depiction of violence, major character death. Blue crying a lot, suffering a lot, and angst a lot. And the author that sucks at grammar orz. 
> 
> all in all i hope you enjoy it ^^


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